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An American woman in 2020

Updated: Dec 12, 2020

I used to use the words “I do not see color” thinking those words were the right ones to show that I wanted equality for all. I was wrong.

I used to think I was not “white privileged” knowing the challenges and struggles I faced in my life. I was wrong.

As an American woman in 2020, I feel defeated at moments, confident at others, and alive altogether. Some of the feelings come from being pregnant during a pandemic, having my first baby, becoming a mommy, losing my classroom, finishing Grad school, being blessed for my husband, my family, and my friends. I'm a whole mess of emotions, but I'm true to myself and follow my heart with grit and grace.

As an American woman in 2020, we all have our own pasts, our own stories, our own hopes, and dreams, and they are different, each and every one of them. In my hopes for a fairytale world, there is always an evil villain, and a damsel in distress, with a happily ever after at the end. Can we make this happen? Can we all see each other in light and not in darkness? No matter our views, the color of our skin, our past? Can we teach our children that even though we have differences, there is peace and love?

There is hope for our future, if we can have hope in our hearts, we can have hope for a peaceful tomorrow.

I was born to two middle-class Caucasian grocery store workers from a small town in Northern New York. I grew up in a military family where I moved to California and lived here my entire life since I was 1. My family turned into a divorced family, once my youngest sister turned 6. This then turned into a single mom family, where my 2 little sisters and I took care of each other as my mom worked 2 jobs to support us. My sisters and I have gone through a lot in our family, never really understanding the hardships we faced as we grew to be independent women all these years later. The struggles, the sweat, the tears all make me who I am today. Even though I am a light-skinned European American, I struggled in my own ways, and I’m proud of who I am because of those struggles. However, I know how blessed and privileged I still was, and am.

I do not take it for granted, I’m praying for change, and I want to be a part of. Not just stay silent, but voice my thoughts, never saying they are right, but they are my own.

My daughter is a Black, Asian, European American, and I was so excited to share with her the historic moment this weekend, where I promised her that no matter what she wants to be when she grows up her mommy and daddy will support her 1000 percent, and the world will too.

It's not about getting our kids ready for the world, it's teaching them to be kind, and peaceful in it. (no matter what color, race, religion.orientation or gender they are.

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